idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
