hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
