please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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