Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
