i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
