I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
