no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
