Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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