I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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