Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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