dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
