meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's just like the Real World with babies
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
