SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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