They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
