can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
