It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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