I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
