I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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