Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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