you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
