So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
