My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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