I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
