need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
