Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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