I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
