no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so let's talk penis.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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