I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
