We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
