Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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