She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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