so explain again why im purple
no
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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