Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
