Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
