just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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