He is an equal opportunity slut.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
