EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
