so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
