turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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