I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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