Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
