I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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