So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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