I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
