Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
