im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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