bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
