I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
