Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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