i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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