Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
