we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
