so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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