can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
