Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
