Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
