Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
