I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
