MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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