I skipped work to stalk him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
