oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
