We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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